Thursday, 27 September 2012


 Ha! If you thought i was referring  to myself with that, no. The title is meant for a dog. Not just any dog. Angus. Growing up on a farm two hours north of Toronto, near Coboconk(don't make too much fun of it. Yah, I'm looking at you Dryhump). In the middle of Cottage Country.  At the cusp of the Canadian Shield. Where the summers are cooled off in Shadow Lake. And the winters are full of snow so bright that on a moon filled night it is like day. It makes you feel like you know a deep happy secret. It reminds you of times of your youth. When you would go tobogganing with your friends around midnight with Crown Royale to help you keep warm. A good feeling in your stomach, like butterflies, but good. Then there are times when you would walk west to head for chores and the wind is blowing in you face, then you turn north and it is blowing in your face again! What war did I lose to endure this? Wow. That was quite the digression. Where was I? Yes. Living on a farm we always had dogs. There was Boot, Rip, Belle, and Homer. I loved every dog, but none of these dogs ever stayed inside all day let alone sleep inside. Then there was Angus

 Two years ago Megan started fretting about getting a dog. I kept saying no. I didn't want a dog inside and sleeping and slobbering all over me, but secretly I was going to give her money on her birthday to get her one. Well, her birthday came and one month later we went to go get Angus, the boxer. Megan found him on Kijiji from a family that just couldn't afford two dogs at the moment. Our fortune..Leaving with Angus was sad. He kept looking out the back window like "where are you taking me?My family is back that way." Well at least when we got home he took to Megan. He wouldn't leave her side and he would have nothing to do with me. Great. I really didn't want a dog. Now we have one and he doesn't even like me. Slowly he started to warm up to me. With the feeding of popcorn and other treats.

 He ran away twice. The first time was through the front window screen a week after we got him. A day earlier I scolded Megan for leaving the side window open saying, "he could get out that way." The next day I opened the front window a little because I thought it was stuffy in the house and a little enough so Angus could get out. Idiot. I told Megan this when I came home at lunch and she phoned animal services. Apparently a boxer was found, but the woman who took the call was out for lunch. Megan eventually came home to look for him. Eventually after the woman who had the info on the boxer returned from lunch. Megan phoned the girl that found Angus. He had been running down Park Rd. So, we met her at her apartment building and gave her $100 in reward. She didn't want it, but we made her take it. The second time he ran away Megan was walking Angus to the store. She tied him outside to the lottery sandwich board. A man freaked out Angus and he bolted down Park again with sandwich board in tow. We looked for him for four hours. This time he was gone for good. Instead of feeling sad we tried to rationalize that he didn't like it here that is why he kept running away. 5:00am. There was a bang at the back door.Megan got up and looked out the back door from our bedroom(which is on the second floor of our house) and said, "Damn cat"(a story for later). Settling back down frustrated and  hoping that was Angus.Then there was another bang and she flew out of the bed and down stairs. I listened. There was a "click, click, click" across the floor and up the stairs and then that sad ugly face came up onto the bed, little tail and bum wagging. He had no collar which puzzled us. How did he lose this and get home? Was he captured then escaped? Or did it just work off then he made his way home? No matter, the prince was home, and thus began our life with Angus

 We did not get a dog we got another kid. He lays about the couch like he owns the place. Sometimes he lays on his back with his legs up in he air, like a dead animal on the side of the road. Oh, and his pillows, he lays his head on them and when he is sick of them he kicks each on of them off the couch.

 He whines at the back door for you to let him out and come out and play with him. Where he whines at you to throw something for him or he wants to growl and jump and bite you. Looking from the back window you see him playing with something then he snaps and tears around the backyard running in circles. When the kids are in the backyard and the neighbour kids too. He harasses them and follows them as if to say, "What now, guys?" And don't grab one of the kids and say, "I've got him, Angus" He growls and tries and succeeds in biting you. What is funny is when I hug Megan and he doesn't like it. He growls and barks at Megan, "Let go of my Daddy." And who says lovin' isn't a punch in the bag the odd time from a Boxer?

 Now to bed and sleeping. He sleeps on our bed when he pleases. You hear him pacing back and forth judging the jump. Then he comes flying up and flops down on my legs or laying on my shoulder up by my head. My personal favourite is how he pushes me over to the edge of the bed and I have only half of my body covered. Getting up and going to work is a different story. when I come back in from the bathroom there he is lying on my pillow all curled up and comfortable. "I am the Daddy now. Go to work." 

 He sits very pretty and that is why I call him Handsome, and doesn't he know that he is.. 


Wednesday, 26 September 2012

What Are They Typing?

 Is it laziness? Were they never taught? Did they not listen or ever read? Now I can understand texting things like, "how r u?" or "l8r" there just colloquialisms,. their stupid, but it seems it's better to write quickly then think about what your typing.

 Now hopefully, you noticed that I made several grammatical errors, and if you didn't, I hope you learn something. People seem to type these without a care and the thought  that they have used the correct word in the right place. It is odd how this aggravates me to no end or is it know end

 There, their and they're. All pronounced the same, but spelled different and mean different things. There is a reference to a place. Like, "She is over there" not here, but there. Their basically means belonging to(we'll get into the word just before the open parenthesis later) such as, "their grandmother is ninety years old." and finally they're is a contraction of "they" and "are"......that is all.

 Then and than. The word "then" is a reference in time and progression, "He was walking down the street then stopped because he was struck on the head by a there then a their." "Than" is basically a contradiction and comparison. "Roy would rather die than live in a world of bad grammar." Or "I like you more than I like toasters".

 Two, to and too. "Two" is just 2 not too(ohhhhh) many people screw that up. Moving on. "To" is a hard one to explain(for me anyways). "To" would be used as an adverb and a preposition. In the case of an adverb. "He is going to walk home." Walk being the verb. I originally wrote: "He is going to walk to the store." then I realized that I put a preposition "to" in there and thought even that was too much for me. The other way to use "to" is in preposition. like, "I am going to the store." a preposition links nouns and pronouns. "Too" is for adding a quantity. Such as, too much, too little or too far.

 One last one is "a" versus "an". If you are going to use an "a" before another word that starts with a vowel,  you use "an". For instance: an alligator not a alligator. The latter sounds stupid. Say it aloud. A alligator, ah ah. What are you doing? Warning a child not to stick a fork into an outlet? Ah ah! 

 If you don't understand what I am trying to say then the chances are you do most of these grammar injustices. Don;t worry there are millions like you so you are not alone.

 As a side note, I do all my editing. So any remarks on any mistakes, the irony will be lost on me. In short I won't care. If you want to improve your grammar I suggest this site:
She's better versed in the subject than I

Saturday, 22 September 2012


 I enjoy gardening. Watching plants germinate and grow. Going to a garden centre and wandering up and down the aisles looking at what plants to buy or ones you would like to buy. After work wander through the back yard to see how everything is progressing. What has bloomed, what is about to bloom and what you'll plan to do next. Perennial are my favourite. They come back every year and they can spread. Looking from the back window you see reds, blues, purples, yellows, whites, pinks, oranges and of course long as things are living and doing well, Sigh.

 Almost four years ago Megan and I bought our first house; and on how much we like it hopefully our last. The spring of our first year we decided to go get some plants. Some Hostas, a couple of Delphiniums, and a Rhododendrons. They were $39.99. Fair price I guess for an evergreen shrub that has vibrant blooms in the spring, something that sets you garden on fire. The one I got were pink, I guess if i ever saw it. I planted it at the very back underneath spruce trees. It was probably a week away from blooming, nice big buds on it. later on in the week I went out to inspect it and found the buds gone! What?! Standing with fist clenched my mind raced on what could have done this. Punk squirrels who would think  it was hilarious to destroy a plant. One just chittered at me, mocking me. Where's your pink flower now, flesh bag? No, it probably wasn't a squirrel let alone a gang of squirrel who had formed bandanas out of oak leaves. Chipmunk? Those little striped pricks that seem to have A.D.D. and can never just walk. It's always dart dart dart and run up a tree.Maybe.

 So, within a week we went out to purchase another Rhododendron, another pink one. This one was going to come out within a couple of days. Rushing home to plant it i envisioned how beautiful it will look in the garden, an explosion of pink setting off all the greens in the back. The buds cracked like a green gem with a pink light infused  in the centre. The next morning looking out my bedroom window I saw that it would tomorrow when it would be out. The next morning I went outside, but something was amiss. Gone again! All the buds were destroyed again! What was it? Rhododendron blooms lay cast across the ground like something hated or ate them. Chipmunk? Or that rabbit I saw out in the garden over the winter and throughout the spring. Ohhh,  look at the cute bunny hopping and sniffing everything. I think it was that (explicative deleted) rabbit. So, I ran out and got some pesticide to keep cats, dogs rabbits and other critters away. I will be prepared for next year. I will get my beautiful spring flowers back! Apparently not. Seems you have to water Rhododendrons constantly for two years to get them established or water them at all. $80 lesson learned

 Spin two years, and a dog into the future which is right it's the present...? Whatever. I am not Doctor Who so i am not going to dwell on that too much. In the spring I purchased another Rhodo $26.99 and with my critter ridder and dog(Angus) I was able to see my flowering shrub. Deep purple. Brilliant. A month after it had finished I went and bought two more. These were on sale for $13.99 each. I don't know what colours these will be, pink maybe. These three are still alive, but what an ordeal with keeping them alive. These pricks keep losing their leaves even though i pour about two gallons of water on them every two or three days! And after they lose their leaves I prune the branch back. If I prune eight branches more on each of them there will be just a stick planted in the ground! 
 Ahhh. Gardening is so relaxing.

Thursday, 20 September 2012

I Find I Am Not The Funniest In My House Anymore

 Usurped. Unseated. Dethroned  Ok, that is enough synonyms and "U" words. I used to think i was hilarious. With my dry wit to off the wall craziness of composing sentences with just stray nouns and adjectives and snide sarcasm, but not anymore. Now my fourteen month old daughter, Reagan holds the throne.

 It's hard to compete with someone who comes downstairs in the morning and finds a can, empty or with a little pop left in it on the coffee table(left by...I'm not sure). Picks it up and carries it around. And when her Mother sees this, she tries to take it from her and then the running begins. Pop sloshing out of the can  then the most delightful light squeal comes out of Reagan, "Eeeeeeeee" as she runs from her Mother.

 I have heard this squeal several times and i don't think it will ever stop. One morning after her Poppa had stayed over night for a Union meeting, Reagan got up. We could hear her stirring. Then she saw what was in the adjacent bed. It was like Christmas. "Eeeeee eeeee eeeeeee!" As if to say, "You! I don't remember you sleeping there! Lets get this party going!" Of course this party had to start at 7:00 in the morning.

 The other day i was outside with Keanan(my son), Reagan, and some neighbours kids. Keanan was in the little plastic pool playing with Reagan circling, mayhap looking for a good opportunity to cause mischief. Well, she thought of something. Seeing Keanan's Crocs, she picked them up and fired them at him screaming with glee as she did so.Good thing she isn't strong enough yet because they fell short, but she was still thrilled at what she had done.

 Now to actual water. For most of these little stories I have not been present, but having the story relayed to me still makes me laugh close to tears. While Megan(My Fiance) was draining the water from the tub, it was quiet and we all know what quiet means when you have children in the house. Reagan came flying around the corner with my work phone in hand which I had left on the night stand. Apparently things that shouldn't get wet, will get wet according to my daughters protocol. Arm raised and eyes fixed on the tub Reagan began the Christening of my phone, but her conscience(her Mother) stopped her. Megan disarmed her and tossed the phone out into the hall onto some towels. Angry and determined Reagan snatched up the phone and ran laughing at the tub ready to set the phone on it's maiden voyage, but Mum thwarted her again and slipped the phone into her pocket. This enraged my daughter and she let everyone know it, but quickly cheered up and chased something else, maybe the snake that is loose in the house. His name is Bitey. Little did we know, especially Megan, that Reagan was plotting her revenge.

 A week or so later Megan was showering.and this time it wasn't quiet. Reagan was up running in and out of the bathroom opening the curtain making sure Mum was still there and reaching in to touch the falling water which delights her to no end. When the curtain opened next Mummy's clothes were in hand. if Mum is in the shower then why not her clothes? With a stone face as if to say. "you stopped me before....." and Megans clothes went in.

 So there, just a tad of what hilarity goes on in my house. Not mentioning that i have taught her to "Run! Reagan run!" when you are about to change her diaper or clothes. Not everyone thinks that is funny though, but Reagan sure does. Maybe i am not done being the funniest one